There’s a relatively rare personality type that’s appreciated/unappreciated: The Fixer, aka The Hub Of The Wheel, sometimes aka Mom.
They don’t have to be told what to do, they see what needs doing and do it.
They clean up after themselves.
They borrow things only after asking permission, and return them in better condition.
And in times of crisis, everyone turns to them first. Because they know what needs doing, step up to do it, and keep everything running.
If this is you, you might have a problem
If you’ve already dialed-in a system of self-care, you’re good. Carry on, keep juggling chainsaws like the champ you are.
But if looking after yourself is something new to you, then starting self-care can be a problem.
Because people who Fix tend to be very externally focused.
They see a pile of dirty laundry and start reaching for it while looking for the laundry hamper.
And there are always things to fix. If nothing presents itself, plenty of people are around to point out the problems.
I’m not a therapist, but the roots of this behavior—see it, fix it—run deep. It’s practically a reflex.
Thank goodness for The Fixers. Because without them, the fill-in-your-tribe-of-interest would fall apart, right?
(Spoiler alert: probably not.)
But who fixes The Fixers?
Combine an endless list of things to clean up with a fixer who fixes everything in sight, and you’ve set the stage for aggressive self-neglect.
Self-care tends to happen if and when they can steal a spare moment.
This is problematic from a health and fitness standpoint, where the greatest gains tend to require consistent action over time.
Again, not true for everyone.
But if this sounds familiar, it’s an occupational hazard.
To heal thyself, adopt a system
No matter your personality, having a self-care system is the best way to achieve consistency. But it’s vital for fixer types.
A system is critical because motivation comes and goes, but a system is reliable. You follow a preset program—sleep, exercise, nutrition, etc—whether you’re in the mood or not, and the gains rapidly accumulate.
The life demands on a Fixer are seemingly endless. But just like another sock on the floor is no big deal, a system can be another task taken in stride.
The advantage of a system is that it’s defined.
You know in advance what is called for and when.
There’s no anxiousness or eye-rolling about “What random brush fire will I need to put out today?”
The meal plans look like this, the exercise program like that, and bedtime is always 8 hours before wake-up time.
Getting a system dialed in is challenging, no matter what. The rest of your life has first dibs on your attention and will resist the new additions. But stick with it, and the rest of your life will make room.
So you can keep your eyes peeled for the next missing sock.
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