So, how can you identify Your Important Stuff? And by YOUR Important Stuff, I mean the things that you, personally, really need to work on.
Right now, at this point in your life.
It’s not vague stuff, and it’s not stuff that’s important because other people said it should be. Deep down, this is the stuff that you know needs doing. Your higher brain knows it and your lizard brain knows it.
This is the shit.
You’d think it should be obvious
There’s all kinds of potentially important stuff.
As a physician, I can educate you about the medically important stuff, to improve your odds of living longer and healthier. Stay away from cigarettes, regular alcohol, sweets, carbs, and processed foods. Exercise daily, and stay emotionally chill and mentally nimble. Do these consistently, my friend, and my work here is largely done.
Kinda obvi.
Yet for some inexplicable reason, I still have a job.
Because the obvious and straightforward get a nod from the head, but they aren’t compelling. The doc says I need to lose 20 pounds, that’s important to HIM, I’m glad he’s looking out for me (but MY gut says meh).
What’s compelling? Bread and circuses, like the Romans showed us. Entertainment. Diversions. Things that bleed, lead, and Sex sells. Moving pictures of pretty people making noises (social media) rather than words to read. Puppies and kittens.
The average young person spends nearly 5 hours a day on social media with probable detrimental effects, with working age individuals spending more than 2.5 hours a day, and probably more.
Why is the important stuff not prioritized? From what I can see as a physician, it’s because life is constantly full of background noise, and periodically due to medical catastrophes, really hard. People get lost in the sheer volume of the former, and surrender to pretty shapes and colors to cope with the latter.
We all enjoy being entertained. And if you’ve been around the block a few times, you’ll probably settle for some peace and quiet.
What bread and circuses aren’t
All that jazz is a lot of things, but permanent it isn’t.
Today’s meme is gone tomorrow. The news cycle rolls ever onward searching for a new victim.
Permanence and recurrence are the opposite of new and novel…and, I would argue, signposts to the Important Stuff.
Chronicity, for you, should be a clue.
Something that you keep circling back to — not me, not your acquaintances, not your momma, YOU — is something crucial that you need to address. If it were trivial, you’d have polished it off and moved on long ago.
You saying, Well, here I go again is a sign that a) you find something monumentally hard, b) you find it incredibly worthy, or c) you find it difficult to describe, but you’re pretty darned sure you’re onto something.
I can’t lose weight to save my life.
I can’t get ahead financially, and money matters make me feel like I’m chewing aluminum foil.
My (fill in the blank relative or close friend) and I keep having the same arguments, I don’t know why, and I’m not sure our relationship will survive.
I have this dread that comes over me in the middle of the night and I don’t know what I’m afraid of, but I’m sweating and scared of it.
I can’t stop worrying about death and disability, and who’s going to take care of me and my family if something happens to me.
When you turn off your smartphone and roll over to fall asleep, thoughts like these resurface…and make you open your eyes again.
They don’t have to be all bad
This is NOT about giving in to your late night fears. America has a history of people behaving badly when they give in to fear and hysteria.
This is about getting your priorities straight. Identifying that subset of all your possible goals that is worth exploring. Because doing so will be meaningful to you at the deepest levels. YOU had to address them, no matter what, it was time. Unlike pursuing wants and desires, taking care of worthy goals tends not to have negative consequences like shame and regret — putting them off does.
If you can recognize what you need to work on every day, bueno. If not, Your Important Stuff is as close as an off switch and a deep breath away. The first step is to dial down the distractions so you can hear yourself think.
Clowns, kittens, and confetti to the side, for now.
P.S. For what it’s worth, going through a year of taking a relative to the hospital every month led me and my family to the following lessons:
- Everyone is mortal, so chasing immortality shouldn’t drive my decision-making or anxieties
- Inner peace is the most important thing to cultivate (says someone who once wanted to grow up to be Tony Stark)
- Win a few, lose a few
- Physical robustness and wellness deserve ongoing but not obsessive attention
- Dying well is an aspirational goal, living well is a better attainable one
Leave a Reply